But then you have to think about the nature of bleach, and how it works. It literally makes proteins disassociate. This is no small feat, as the alpha helices and folded chains are some of the most difficult to separate. And yet, they are made to fall apart under the power of bleach.

Lately, I’ve been cleaning with bleach. A couple of weeks ago, I bought a cleaner that was completely bleach based. This isn’t something I normally do. The smell gives me mixed feelings about the idea of clean and destruction. Yet, I scrubbed the house down with it. The sink kept getting dirty, and I kept spraying it down. I used it directly on the bathroom floor instead of mopping. In dusting the shelves, I kept spraying it onto paper towels, and wiping down my environment with this instead of using normal dusting spray.

Last weekend, before I had a small dinner party, the entire house had been wiped down with it.

Yesterday, I walked in to my place, and it no longer smelled like bleach. It smelled like my perfume, my new sachets, and books. It smelled like me. And I was, finally, for the first time in nearly a year, comfortable.

And I realized what I had been doing. Cleaning had become a manifestation of my mental state. I had been trying to break apart a strand I had become caught in. The beta sheets and looped chains I found myself caught in needed to be broken. Bleach had become my way of trying to release myself from the horrific restrictive chains before I could say the words.

But now, looking around, surrounded by the familiar smells of comfort, I start to distinguish. I see the individual building blocks which I am looking forward to stringing back together in a manner that no longer needs to be broken apart. And I smile. And that smile is a happier one than I have had in the past year.

However, I’m really glad I have an unusual name. Seriously. Both my first and last names are unusual…not so much so that people think I’m the child of a self involved Hollywood star that has no concern for the mockery of their child, but enough so that when people hear or see my name….no matter how long it’s been, they know it’s me.

Case in point. I keep this blog. I recently got a comment from someone I haven’t seen since I was in college. In high school, we were good friends. His house was the first I had ever seen a Mork style egg chair in. He introduced me to a ton of music. We went to the beach…a lot. His was the first family I ever saw have a vacation itinerary written up for travel. I think of it now every time I travel, and make no plans…

He was a couple grades above me, and left for college. We kept in touch, but the last time we saw each other was one day when I was driving with some friends down the Haight in SF, and he was wandering down the street. I was looking out the passenger window, and yelled “STOP!!!”

Jumping out, I ran up to him, and we gave each other huge hugs. Talked for a couple of minutes, but I had to jump back in the car as we were headed to a theater performance.

And we haven’t talked since. Not for any reason except losing touch. Life. You know.

And then, a month ago…he saw my name on a film I did. And looked me up. And apparently found this blog.

My heart warmed. And it was because of my name.

So, I guess I need to learn to connect to my name. Not because of what it has meant, but because of what it means now. There’s a calculator online that will tell you how many people in the world have your name combination. For my first and last name, the answer was 1. In the world, just me. The only one.

So if you want to find me, I guess all you have to do is look. It’s only me out here.

And Mike…I’m so glad you got in touch.

The landline rang and I groggily raised my head. Knowing the voice mail would pick up, I tried to stay awake enough to hear what was so important as to wake me up this early in the morning. The caller hung up before leaving a message. A few seconds later, a cell phone rang. Not mine because it was turned off. The Bald Man was crashing at my place for a few weeks before he moved back to Houston, and it was his distinctive ring that was going off in the other room. A few seconds later, the banging on my door began. “D, D, get up. Now.” The door flew open. “We’re being bombed!” All of a sudden I was wide awake. The Bald Man threw me the phone, where Mr. Gazpacho was calling from Spain. “Dude, turn on your tv, call me back later.” I flew out of bed, and the Bald Man and I began to watch the horrific footage.

We sat mostly in stunned silence, as the scene continued to unfold. We talked little, but most of the conversation revolved around being in the center of what, very likely, could be another target. We tried to call everyone we knew was in NY, and those that were traveling, but we weren’t sure where exactly they were. We got through to only a few. My neighbor’s cell phone began to ring, waking him up. He knocked on the door, asking to come in and watch, as he didn’t have a television at the time. We all three sat in silence. I watched the television, and I watched as the two transplanted New Yorkers in my living room watched their home city be under attack.

It was the second day of a 5 day voice-over job. I called the studio, to confirm that production was shut down for the day. The producer giggled nervously. “Did you know anyone in there?” “I…I don’t think so” – it would be almost 24 hours before I learned that I was wrong. The director was from a war torn country in South America. Terrorism was commonplace to him. The voice session was still on.

I drove to the valley, not able to stop my eyes from constantly darting up to the sky. The calls were starting to pour in from everyone in town. Was everyone ok? Were we all meeting up somewhere? The Sound Engineer was out in Calabasas, and wanted me to come out there to be away from the middle of the city, but my job called. I walked into the voice studio, and turned off my phone, realizing that in doing that, I was cutting off my lifeline to hear what was happening not only in New York, but everywhere else in the country.

The project was “The Color of War” The copy I was doing v.o. for was to go along with some of the first color and colorized footage of a war retrospective. The copy consisted only of letters. Letter written from wives to husbands telling of their fears. From daughters to fathers, telling how much they missed them. From mothers to sons; old friends to old friends. And I wept. Sixteen different letters and nine accents later I was wrapped for the day. My heart was broken, as were the capillaries in my eyes from crying. The emotion in my voice was real as I read letter after letter bemoaning the tragedy of war, and the terror that comes along with it.

I walked out of the studio, and knew I wasn’t ready to go home. I needed to be anonymous in my grief that was so mixed up between what had happened that morning, and what has always happened. I walked across the street and into a small english pub and sat without taking my sunglasses off. There were four screens on. Three of them were tuned to the footage and commentary. One was still tuned to a replay of a soccer match. The englishmen at the bar started going seamlessly between watching the constant coverage, and watching a game. It was the first inkling I had that things might eventually go back to feeling normal.

Now this isn’t a feeling I’m comfortable with. I am not a victim of circumstance. I created a magical life which I (in general) love from a place of nothing. I take pride in the fact that my life is how I’ve decided to make it. So I was left wondering what I am supposed to be learning from the past year. I mean, for the love of God, people don’t have years like that for nothing…right?

But as I look back, I realize I also let the year affect me in ways I shouldn’t have. I practically stopped writing. I almost entirely stopped shooting pictures. I fell out of touch with some people who are very important to me. I stopped trying to grow my business, and just maintained. I can’t come up with a single new challenge I gave myself and took on. For the love of God, I didn’t even leave the country once last year. And none of that is “me”.

So, my 2011 is going to be about a year of rebuilding. Of putting my life back together in a new, better form than it has ever been. Because THAT, my friends, is what I do and who I am. I figure out solutions. I live with a smile on my face, embracing challenges and asking life “what else ya got for me?” That is the person I see in the mirror, not a person who just drifts through, taking what is handed. I self-identify as a risk taker, challenge seeker, problem solver, and joyful, joyful person. New home, new relationship, new ways of doing business. By the end of 2011, I expect my life will look nearly unrecognizable from where it is now.

Now, in the actual travel part, it’s not a problem. There’s nothing more pleasant than going to sleep on one coast, and waking up on the other. It’s kinda like I’ve figured out teleportation.

The problem comes in when I need to stay awake during some part of travel. If I have work to do, something to read, or have to prep for whatever is going on on the other side of the travel. I find it nearly impossible to stay awake long enough to get anything done. So, I have to plan around my “disability” when traveling for work. Which means I’m often showing up at the airport exhausted. Which means I fall asleep faster.

Vicious cycle.

This year I did not have a film showing. I debated whether or not I should go. We looked at the calendar, pushed things around, and decided yes. I should.

Now, I have parts of Sundance I love. I’ve been coming to Park City since, I guess, 2004. Of course, in 2004, I only came here mistakenly. I was in Salt Lake City shooting a film (Go Figure), and on a weekend, we decided to head up to Park City to ski. Now, at the time, I was bound and beholden to the House of Mouse, so things like Sundance weren’t on my everyday radar. But, low and behold, I drove to Park City on Saturday morning, got stuck in the traffic, and stayed and played with friends all weekend.

Now 2008 and 2009 I didn’t go. My business partner and I have been so all consumed with the day to day running of the business that taking a week in another city…even when it was work…seemed unfathomable.

So this year, I was back. In the couple days leading up to leaving, my asst and I spend time everyday making sure I’m on all the party lists I need to be on, and planning out my schedule. Now to those of you who don’t do this, what you have to know is that doing the party scene at these festivals is 1. necessary and 2. exhausting Especially if you are like me, and want to go to films in the morning too.

So, a typical Sundance day goes something like this: Up, showered ready and primped for the whole day by a 9am screening, noon screening, lunch meeting, afternoon cocktail party, second afternoon cocktail party, often a third afternoon cocktail party, late afternoon movie, dinner meeting, drinks meeting, sometimes an evening movie, premier party, event party, house party.

did I mention it’s exhausting?

but my favorite part is the films. The fact that I get to spend a week seeing 3-4 films a day is a film geeks dream come true. Were they all good? No. Were there enough that were good to make it satisfying? Absolutely.

So, as I came home, drained….but having reconnected with colleagues and friends from around the world, I can say that the lost sleep and exhaustion was worth it. Being surrounded by a group of people passionately pursuing their dreams is enough to recharge me.

Oh, and it’s super pretty, too.

Meh *shrug*

There we go. Now, with that out of the way, I want to progress into the real reason for this blog, which is that there are a TON of reasons to actually be interested in Avatar as a movie. And as a studio movie. I’m only going to touch on my top two, but there are so many…

Interesting thing #1:
Fox isn’t banking on this as an opening weekend hit. I get “the lowdown” on what is going on in the marketing department there, and they are far more concerned with what the drop-off is going to be between weekends, and what the online chatter is (92% positive after seeing the movie, FYI) They are looking at this as being a longevity hit in the theater, rather than opening and making huge numbers.
Why it’s interesting #1:
In the independent world, this is something that we constantly struggle against with our distributors. How do you build a word of mouth that translates into a return in the box office? Because of what Avatar is, Fox is willing to bank against what we always tell distributors about a film…if people like it, your box office will follow. So, if a big budget justifies that strategy, how do we convince them that on smaller budgets, the same leap of faith is a good bet on small movies.

Interesting thing #2:
Avatar is at 84% on rotten tomatoes. Out of those, most of them talk about the spectacle, and put the story at (as best) pedestrian and previously done.
Why its interesting #2:
The split between independent and studio movies is becoming wider and wider. Studios can absolutely do things that independents can’t. The technology invented to film Avatar is certainly one of them. However, independent film has to find where the holes are in the studio system, and create product to fill those holes. and that should begin with story. Independents need to raise their own bar in regard to telling stories that are new, compelling, driven, and told creatively. We need to become more vigilant in only producing movies which have a script behind them which is flawless, and demand performances that illuminate those ideas. I have heard repeatedly from independent producers “well,the script is better than XXX XXX, which made $YYY YYY” That doesn’t matter! The script has to be better than good. It has to be amazing! We are plugging a hole here. You don’t do it with putty, you do it with cement.

I think with any movie that studios put out, we, as independent producers need to look at it with an eye towards what it says about the business and the audiences. Just enjoying it as a film is not enough.

Avid and Final Cut Pro Editor :

Editor must be proficient in technical aspects of editing including: logging, capturing, efficient use of keyboard shortcuts, project archiving and media management, mastering to tape/file/disc, and authoring DVDs. Editor should have a strong knowledge of media compression workflows and have some experience working with compression software such as Apple Compressor and Sorensen Squeeze. Editor should be proficient with leading NLE software – Avid Media Composer and Final Cut Studio Pro – experience with Mac hardware and software (Apple Motion, DVD Studio Pro and Color) a plus.

Editor must have a strong sense of visual design. Candidate will be required to develop fresh and interesting “looks” for clients. Editor must also have an ability to quickly distill a large amount of footage into its best parts. The work is varied but a great personality is required as Editor will largely be working directly with clients (actors, directors of photography, directors) to create their show reels. Good communication skills necessary in order to work efficiently with clients and be able to deliver a product they are proud of.

WE NEED A SELF-STARTER WHO CAN WORK INDEPENDENTLY AND MANAGE THEIR TIME EFFECTIVELY.

Candidate needs to be passionate about growing in this role and learning new things and constantly looking for better ways to be efficient and creative. 2-3 years experience in TV or media production, promotion or trailer editing and/or Demo Reel/Show reel editing preferred.

I Remember Andrea

When Andrea Wachner gets her invitation to the 10 year high school reunion, she makes the most logical decision she can come up with: send a stripper in her place.

Date:Thursday, November 19, 2009
Time: 6:00pm – 8:00pm
Location: Cantor Film Center
Street: 36 E. 8th St.
City/Town: New York, NY
Price: FREE

This spring we ended up getting a ton of media coverage on the doc, including CNN, ABC, The View, even Glamour UK.

Here’s the Reuters story

And I like the option for all y’all to not know exactly which it is.

Right now I am thinking very deeply about being female in the industry, what that means, and what advantages it affords me.

You’ll notice I didn’t say disadvantages.

See, I don’t believe that there is a specific female disadvantage at anything (unless it is physically based. No, I can’t bench press what my male collegues can (but I can outrun them!)). It’s more that females refuse to understand their advantages, and use them to level the playing field.

I will say-unilaterally- you should always have (at least) one woman on the top level team. Why? Because it immediately breaks through the male dick wagging in a different way. It just…does. And if you’re going to call me sexist for saying that, well then so be it.

This is not my first industry I’ve been successful in. It’s not my first male dominated industry I’ve been successful in. It is, however, the first time I’ve been acutely aware of women crying out to be treated as equals. I don’t know if that is a difference in the industry, or in my awareness…I just know that I hear it now. And I hear it as grating nails on a chalkboard.

Wow! I get it! That sounds harsh!

Or, perhaps, it sounds just like most people hear those whinings.

See, I’ve never found any barriers based on that. But I’ve repeatedly seen women fall down because they won’t work 16 hour days for 10 years like men do. They have to take time out to put boyfriends in front of their work. And what is the dropout ratio of men vs women in the industry? Based just on my past experience with assistants and subordinates, I would always put my bet on men being in it for the long haul.

WAIT! Am I really being that harsh on women? Do I think we are destined to fail in the business world? No way. I just think we have to be realistic, because not being realistic hurts all of us.

Look around you at your 5 closest girlfriends. How many of them…honestly…if they married someone wealthy would want to leave the job they do? Or take it down to part time? or need to make some adjustments to schedule? Or take a lower paying job to do something more fufilling?  What about once they had a kid?

How would it change? Honestly? Not your idealized version of how it changes, but honestly.

We, as women, can stand here and say we are no different…but that’s a lie. It just…is.

These are realities that, as an employer, I deal with. And I have to place my bets on the people that make the most sense for me long term. Now, not that women don’t make sense to hire, but I (and they) have to understand the strategic advantages we afford.

Wait  a minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute (as Eddie Murphy in Coming to America would say). Wasn’t this blog started out with the idea of “It’s more that females refuse to understand their advantages, and use them to level the playing field.”?

Why, yes! it was.

See, we have, overall, a way of breaking through barriers that men do not. A natural empathy that allows us to figure out other people’s needs. And, if you look at it, most of business is simply figuring out other people’s needs and meeting those needs. The cook that makes everyone forget they’re not eating steak because the stroganoff is so good is exercising the same skills that we can use in the boardroom.

And, women need to understand the dynamic we have with men. We are not the same. We can convince them, annoy them, press them, entice them, and beguile them in subtly different ways.

So, with all your intelligence and experience, take it and use it in your female way to get to the top.

Guys need you there.